Saraband for Two Sisters by Philippa Carr

Author:Philippa Carr
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Exploration in the Night

I AWOKE WITH THE dawn. He was sleeping beside me and the enormity of what I had done swept over me. I was horrified. It could not be true. I had dreamed it.

Quietly I slipped out of the bed, terrified that he would awaken and see me. What could I say to him? How could I explain?

Trembling, I sped across the room and quietly opened the door. I reached the Lavender Room unobserved, but before entering it I looked in at the Blue Room, where Angelet was sleeping peacefully in her poppy-juice sleep.

I went to my bed and lay there.

You have betrayed your sister’s faith in you, I told myself. Then I wondered: Had he known? Was it possible that he could have been deceived?

How young and inexperienced I had been to think that I had reached the heights with Bastian. My intuition in the inn yard had not been false. We were meant for each other.

What would come out of this? I was torn between a certain exultation and desperate shame. How could I ever explain my feelings to anyone? I was in love with him if love was obsession. I wanted to be with him, to talk to him, to discover his needs and supply them, to learn of everything he did and be beside him throughout his life. How could I go into battle with him? I allowed myself to make the most ridiculous images. I saw myself disguised as a soldier in his army. I would go to his camp secretly in the night as I had gone to his bedchamber last night. Always there would be this adventure of loving and possessing.

The room was growing light and fantasies disappeared in the cold brightness of day. What I had done was unforgivable. Knowing my sister had taken a sleeping draught, I had gone to her husband. It was like something out of the Bible. Retribution would follow. I had committed the sin of fornication and induced him to commit adultery without his knowledge. Or was it? How could I know what he was like with Angelet? What had he thought to find his frigid wife changed into a demanding, passionate woman?

He must have known. What would he do now? I could not guess, for the truth was that although I knew he was the one man in the world for me, I did not know him.

Phoebe had come into the room. I saw her startled eyes go to the bed and her relief when she saw me there. She knew. She had betrayed that much. She must have come in and found my bed not slept in. Perhaps she looked in through the night. I need not fear Phoebe. She was there to protect me.

‘It’s a bright morning, Phoebe,’ I said, trying to make my voice sound natural.

‘Yes, mistress, ’tis very bright.’

She had her back to me while she set down the hot water, and I had a fancy that she did not want to look me in the eyes.

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